OH HOW SHOCKING

There has to be something wrong with me. I'm dead tired and I can't even function while I'm sitting up at my laptop but when I finally hit the sheets, I'm wide awake.

I don't know why but I associate beds with sex. I must be some sort of undiagnosed nymphomaniac. Hahaha, everyone has their problems. I lie there and day dream about, yup you guessed it, sex. With this one person. Yup, only one person & how I wish I could feel his skin and muscle touching mine and the smell of his neck, the curve of his collarbone to the grip of his fingers. I drive myself nuts. I think: "I need it, I want it. No! I want sleep, FUCK." There've been nights when I took night-time meds just to make sure I get these enticing thoughts out my system and peacefully pass the fuck out.

I know I'm not in love. Ahaha, I must be going crazy. I would think about someone else and it wouldn't give me the same shock and internal vibration.

I wasn't too promiscuous while I'm in college, but I had my share. Which has some of the girls wondering "Who the hell does she fuck!?" One time, I even had this girl smoke me up on her blunt just to ask me 21 question about this guy I was allegedly fucking. He lived down the hall from her. She's been trying to fuck him for weeks and he hasn't given in to her. Damn. Ahahaha, that's on some royalty shit.

It must be because I'm in college. I'm surrounded by sex. People are fucking left and right. I can hear the bed frames banging and I can hear the sounds of chicks moaning floating through my open window from the floors above and below me.

And I'm sitting here subconsciously thinking about sex. All day. Even in class. Even while I'm eating. Even while I'm showering. Brushing my teeth. Whatever.

I could have sex with anyone but I hold myself back for this person. I must be crazy. There has to be something wrong with me. It's something I can't satiate.