Fuckin' me up right now...

I'm not the type to mope at all. But I think this love vs. lust bullshit is the number one reason why sexually active females mope around.

I've been having casual sex with a friend. It's mind-blowing.

My best friend says that type of behavior will pretty much eat me alive. I laughed it off.

But truly, what am I doing? Is it really eating me alive? Maybe I'm just hiding the fact that it is...or maybe it hasn't phased me at all.

One way to know if someone means alot to you, is when you ask yourself "If this person were to go around and fuck someone else, would it make you upset? Would it confuse you?"

Truth is, I don't know. It's been a blessing to be able to have so much fun with someone with no strings attached. To be able to laugh and pass a blunt and to drink and just chill. I love you.

But when will this lovely situation finally escalate or even more likely, deteriorate? It's really funny how life works and how the timing of everything is always fucked up. I don't know if I wanna forget him or have him forever.

I wish I could just open myself up again but sometimes, I feel like even if I do open up, I have nothing to offer. Just a pretty smirk, a warm touch, an eager tongue and smooth legs. I've somehow hollowed myself out. I somehow sold my soul.

Two males whom I've had sexual relations with in my life joked around when I asked "What do you want from me?" and they said "Your soul"

They could've said "Some head" or "Some pussy"...why would you joke around with shit like my soul? I was in absolute awe how those two people subconsiously want something intangible from me.

I wish I could give that to someone, babe. Really. And it hurts how I know I can't. It sucks how humans don't really have "souls". Cus if I had one, I'd give it to you and put it in your hollow, drug-riddled, sexy-as-hell body..